How to choose a gym
Hear that noise? It’s the sound of your poor, confused brain groaning under the sheer weight of gyms, fitness centres and health clubs in your town.
Contract or pay-as-you-go? Indoor or outdoor?
Peaceful zen vibes or punish-me-'til-my-weeny-abs-squeal-for-mercy? The choice is so bewildering, 10 minutes with Mrs Google is enough to extinguish your exercise fire forever.
But at this point, don't give up and collapse in a heap. It's better to have too many choices than not enough, and luckily the bustling Australian fitness market has something for everyone, from gym L-platers eager to take the plunge to workout disciples eyeing a fresh challenge.
All you need is 30 minutes' research, the courage to walk in (deep breath, deep breath), and the mother of all sports bras.
LIFESTYLE CHAINS
Welcome to a smiley corporate world with rows of plasma screens in the cardio room and company branding on the toilet paper. Trusted chains like Fitness First, Virgin Active and Genesis Fitness have more branches than Starbucks, and cover all exercise bases: free weights, machines, spin and body pump classes, saunas and personal trainers (for an extra fee). And after showering and drying off on a fluffy towel, why not grab a quick smoothie in the café. At any time, most offer membership deals or free trials, and, yes, you'll be expected to do an induction. Don't sweat it: the hardest bit will be keeping your eyes off the dreamy trainer.
Pros: With so many other faces around, don't be surprised if your social life gets a boost.
Cons: Assistants are on hand to offer advice, but by and large you're left to your own devices.
Welcome to a smiley corporate world with rows of plasma screens in the cardio room and company branding on the toilet paper. Trusted chains like Fitness First, Virgin Active and Genesis Fitness have more branches than Starbucks, and cover all exercise bases: free weights, machines, spin and body pump classes, saunas and personal trainers (for an extra fee). And after showering and drying off on a fluffy towel, why not grab a quick smoothie in the café. At any time, most offer membership deals or free trials, and, yes, you'll be expected to do an induction. Don't sweat it: the hardest bit will be keeping your eyes off the dreamy trainer.
Pros: With so many other faces around, don't be surprised if your social life gets a boost.
Cons: Assistants are on hand to offer advice, but by and large you're left to your own devices.
OUTDOOR ARENAS
Prefer fresh morning air to gale-force air-con? The great outdoors is calling. The word bootcamp may send ice through your veins, but they're not necessarily the shouty, nose-in-the mud experiences of yore (they're around if that's your thing, though). These days, the word is an umbrella term for any structured outdoor exercise. Expect tonnes of running, bodyweight moves, interval training and team camaraderie. Although practical reasons mean trainers can't provide heaps of equipment, don't be surprised if sessions involve lifting sandbags, hauling ropes or jabbing boxing pads.
Pros: That warm morning sun will do wonders for vitamin D levels.
Cons: Warm morning sun can turn into cold darts of rain. Did we mention the dawn dog-poo swerve?
Prefer fresh morning air to gale-force air-con? The great outdoors is calling. The word bootcamp may send ice through your veins, but they're not necessarily the shouty, nose-in-the mud experiences of yore (they're around if that's your thing, though). These days, the word is an umbrella term for any structured outdoor exercise. Expect tonnes of running, bodyweight moves, interval training and team camaraderie. Although practical reasons mean trainers can't provide heaps of equipment, don't be surprised if sessions involve lifting sandbags, hauling ropes or jabbing boxing pads.
Pros: That warm morning sun will do wonders for vitamin D levels.
Cons: Warm morning sun can turn into cold darts of rain. Did we mention the dawn dog-poo swerve?
HOLISTIC BOUTIQUES
There's a time and a place for free weights and kettlebells - and it's not here. The small, boutique fitness club offers what a few years ago would be considered 'alternative' exercise but is now firmly part of the mainstream: think Pilates and yoga. Therapists, nutritionists, acupuncturists and masseurs are also likely to be linked to these places, so trainers are as much concerned with your general well-being as the shape of your butt. Most sessions will be coached and small in size, meaning trainers can give you more personal attention, ensuring the Downward Dog doesn't turn into the Flatonyourface Dog.
Pros: Pilates and yoga are ace for flexibility and core strength. You'll be a name not a number in intimate surrounds.
Cons: Your bank manager will have to be flexible if you want to become a regular: they're not always cheap.
There's a time and a place for free weights and kettlebells - and it's not here. The small, boutique fitness club offers what a few years ago would be considered 'alternative' exercise but is now firmly part of the mainstream: think Pilates and yoga. Therapists, nutritionists, acupuncturists and masseurs are also likely to be linked to these places, so trainers are as much concerned with your general well-being as the shape of your butt. Most sessions will be coached and small in size, meaning trainers can give you more personal attention, ensuring the Downward Dog doesn't turn into the Flatonyourface Dog.
Pros: Pilates and yoga are ace for flexibility and core strength. You'll be a name not a number in intimate surrounds.
Cons: Your bank manager will have to be flexible if you want to become a regular: they're not always cheap.
WOMEN-ONLY
Most gyms have made a real effort to be female-friendly but some of you may prefer a testosterone-free experience. At Fernwood and Contours, both nationwide, the equipment is easy to use and you won't be bamboozled with stacks of gnarly dumbbells. At first, exercise programs will be nice and steady - though Fernwood ramps it up with body pump and 'Miss Bootcamp' classes. At women-only havens, age is just a number, so there's no need to feel funny if you're the other side of the Big Four O, or a young mum trying to burn off the pregnancy belly. Some Fernwoods even have a crèche. And yes, boy bubs are allowed in.
Pros: Female-tailored workouts that won't leave you smashed every session.
Cons: Too much estrogen! It's like being back in the school change rooms again.
Most gyms have made a real effort to be female-friendly but some of you may prefer a testosterone-free experience. At Fernwood and Contours, both nationwide, the equipment is easy to use and you won't be bamboozled with stacks of gnarly dumbbells. At first, exercise programs will be nice and steady - though Fernwood ramps it up with body pump and 'Miss Bootcamp' classes. At women-only havens, age is just a number, so there's no need to feel funny if you're the other side of the Big Four O, or a young mum trying to burn off the pregnancy belly. Some Fernwoods even have a crèche. And yes, boy bubs are allowed in.
Pros: Female-tailored workouts that won't leave you smashed every session.
Cons: Too much estrogen! It's like being back in the school change rooms again.
OPEN ALL HOURS
Gym owners have finally realised the average person has this thing called a L-I-F-E, which sometimes has the cheek to disrupt our daily exercise rhythms. So a new breed of venue has sprung up that bows to our busy schedules. Australia-wide chains like Anytime Fitness and Jetts are open 24 hours a day, seven days a week - suiting shift workers and the freelance army. Freaked out by the thought of lonely 2am exercise? Reputable places have CCTV cameras and coded key access. Pushed for time but not a night owl? Fit 'n' Fast has pioneered 30-minute workouts that are high on intensity, low on reading-a-gossip-mag-while-you're-on-the-cross-trainer.
Pros: The gyms are accommodating you, not the other way around.
Cons: Eerie, empty gym at 11pm. You'd better make sure every one of those 30 minutes counts.
Gym owners have finally realised the average person has this thing called a L-I-F-E, which sometimes has the cheek to disrupt our daily exercise rhythms. So a new breed of venue has sprung up that bows to our busy schedules. Australia-wide chains like Anytime Fitness and Jetts are open 24 hours a day, seven days a week - suiting shift workers and the freelance army. Freaked out by the thought of lonely 2am exercise? Reputable places have CCTV cameras and coded key access. Pushed for time but not a night owl? Fit 'n' Fast has pioneered 30-minute workouts that are high on intensity, low on reading-a-gossip-mag-while-you're-on-the-cross-trainer.
Pros: The gyms are accommodating you, not the other way around.
Cons: Eerie, empty gym at 11pm. You'd better make sure every one of those 30 minutes counts.
HARDCORE GYMS
No pain, no gain. At some clubs, this isn't just a saying, but a commandment. One that must be tattooed into your brain, and obeyed at every session. CrossFit is as much a cult as an exercise, with its own slang, specially named workouts (after women and fallen war heroes) and yearly Games. And while its coached sessions are brutal, the focus is on total fitness and technique: you'll do everything from weights and rowing to gymnastics and rope-climbing. If that's not angry enough, or you keep having dreams about doing Liam Neeson moves on your boss, maybe it's time to channel that aggression at a boxing or mixed martial arts gym. Unless you're desperate to, you won't be fighting other people - it'll be sparring, bag work and taking out imaginary opponents.
Pros: Super-fast results. Put it this way, you'd stand a chance of beating Michelle Bridges in an arm-wrestle.
Cons: Constant muscle ache. But we reckon that's also one of the 'pros'.
No pain, no gain. At some clubs, this isn't just a saying, but a commandment. One that must be tattooed into your brain, and obeyed at every session. CrossFit is as much a cult as an exercise, with its own slang, specially named workouts (after women and fallen war heroes) and yearly Games. And while its coached sessions are brutal, the focus is on total fitness and technique: you'll do everything from weights and rowing to gymnastics and rope-climbing. If that's not angry enough, or you keep having dreams about doing Liam Neeson moves on your boss, maybe it's time to channel that aggression at a boxing or mixed martial arts gym. Unless you're desperate to, you won't be fighting other people - it'll be sparring, bag work and taking out imaginary opponents.
Pros: Super-fast results. Put it this way, you'd stand a chance of beating Michelle Bridges in an arm-wrestle.
Cons: Constant muscle ache. But we reckon that's also one of the 'pros'.
By Vince Jackson.
